Tag Archives: intimacy

She Becomes

We lie there, in the dark, simply holding each other. In that state she becomes more than I could imagine. Her form changes from the fixed person next to me to the collection of abstract concepts she truly is. There she lies, a multitude of intangible aspects: beauty, intimacy, closeness, compassion, everything. The lights go up, and I barely recognize her. This is certainly not for a negative reason, simply for the reason that she was all of these things in the purest incarnation. And to me, it is hard to even imagine all of this in a single person.

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Ranting and Venting

This will inevitably be a look-alike vent, the likes of which I’m sure have littered many blogging sites, but please, allow me to add my own emotional detritus.

I will not pretend that this is inspired by thought-perplexing  muse or idea. This questioning for me has arisen from one distinct event. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The problem was this: I honestly wanted nothing more than to simply feel close to her, she said she wanted the same thing. In an attempt to do this I did the one thing that is most difficult and most painful for me; I told her the truth. The truth for me is a dark section of who I am, it is my past, my secrets, everything. It is something I take agonizing lengths to hide. Thus, in order to be able to be closer to her in an emotional sense, I gave her everything everything I could possibly give of myself. She gave me nothing. She returned to me with nothing but curt smiles and distance. Invariably I am left with one ontological conclusion. Within this emotional interaction, I, everything that I am and all that I could possibly give, am deemed worthless. I know that I am most likely not worthless, however as I mentioned this is the emotional aftermath of one personal event.