Category Archives: Venting

Man Alone with Himself

I have found, both in the past and recently, that there is little that can be more personally detrimental than when anyone is allotted too much time for their own thoughts. To sit and stew in one’s own perceptions and distortions, progressively spiraling out from reality is an absolute hell, one that is so sickening and perverse I can declare proudly that I would prefer to walk willingly into the jaws of Cerberus than endure this gluttony of thought undisturbed. But there is one relief, so absolute that it gives light and a vantage point salving retrospect to all internal suffering and insecurity, and that is when a person extends their hand. When anyone is willing to hold another’s burden for even a moment, or even do so much as to slightly defer their attention from it, is such an act of kindness bordering on flawless altruism… it’s beautiful…

Advertisements

Ranting and Venting

This will inevitably be a look-alike vent, the likes of which I’m sure have littered many blogging sites, but please, allow me to add my own emotional detritus.

I will not pretend that this is inspired by thought-perplexing  muse or idea. This questioning for me has arisen from one distinct event. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The problem was this: I honestly wanted nothing more than to simply feel close to her, she said she wanted the same thing. In an attempt to do this I did the one thing that is most difficult and most painful for me; I told her the truth. The truth for me is a dark section of who I am, it is my past, my secrets, everything. It is something I take agonizing lengths to hide. Thus, in order to be able to be closer to her in an emotional sense, I gave her everything everything I could possibly give of myself. She gave me nothing. She returned to me with nothing but curt smiles and distance. Invariably I am left with one ontological conclusion. Within this emotional interaction, I, everything that I am and all that I could possibly give, am deemed worthless. I know that I am most likely not worthless, however as I mentioned this is the emotional aftermath of one personal event.