This will inevitably be a look-alike vent, the likes of which I’m sure have littered many blogging sites, but please, allow me to add my own emotional detritus.
I will not pretend that this is inspired by thought-perplexing muse or idea. This questioning for me has arisen from one distinct event. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The problem was this: I honestly wanted nothing more than to simply feel close to her, she said she wanted the same thing. In an attempt to do this I did the one thing that is most difficult and most painful for me; I told her the truth. The truth for me is a dark section of who I am, it is my past, my secrets, everything. It is something I take agonizing lengths to hide. Thus, in order to be able to be closer to her in an emotional sense, I gave her everything everything I could possibly give of myself. She gave me nothing. She returned to me with nothing but curt smiles and distance. Invariably I am left with one ontological conclusion. Within this emotional interaction, I, everything that I am and all that I could possibly give, am deemed worthless. I know that I am most likely not worthless, however as I mentioned this is the emotional aftermath of one personal event.