Ranting and Venting

This will inevitably be a look-alike vent, the likes of which I’m sure have littered many blogging sites, but please, allow me to add my own emotional detritus.

I will not pretend that this is inspired by thought-perplexing  muse or idea. This questioning for me has arisen from one distinct event. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The problem was this: I honestly wanted nothing more than to simply feel close to her, she said she wanted the same thing. In an attempt to do this I did the one thing that is most difficult and most painful for me; I told her the truth. The truth for me is a dark section of who I am, it is my past, my secrets, everything. It is something I take agonizing lengths to hide. Thus, in order to be able to be closer to her in an emotional sense, I gave her everything everything I could possibly give of myself. She gave me nothing. She returned to me with nothing but curt smiles and distance. Invariably I am left with one ontological conclusion. Within this emotional interaction, I, everything that I am and all that I could possibly give, am deemed worthless. I know that I am most likely not worthless, however as I mentioned this is the emotional aftermath of one personal event.

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About justsomecollegekid

Specifically anonymous, sorry if that is a bit off, but I do it so that I can get feedback as though my writing were completely removed from myself. As such, I would love to hear your feedback, good or bad. Many Thanks. View all posts by justsomecollegekid

2 responses to “Ranting and Venting

  • Lucas Rokosz

    Too much concern about yourself is the greatest disease possible. You cannot be happy, you cannot enjoy yourself. How can you enjoy? So many problems inside! Problems and problems and problems and nothing else! — and there seems to be no solution. What to do? You go crazy. Everybody, inside, is crazy. -OSHO

    • justsomecollegekid

      I definitely agree with one thing, that keeping problems inside will only be detrimental to the self. I attempt to change this, often, through venting either written or verbally. However, I subscribe to the philosophy that concern for self is important. Some view it as a selfish idea, yet I have found it to be a realistic principle that we should care about ourselves (inherently present in the existence of the self-preservation instinct) as well as an often unrealistic principle that we can rely on others to openly concern themselves with us as people. I do thank you kindly for your input.

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